Hindsight in Fast Forward

A DJ this morning said, "you can change any situation in hindsight" and I had to nod in agreement. If it happened over again I would....

I have been thinking a lot in hindsight lately, not how I would have changed any one situation, but of the things I pictured for myself that didn't happen right away, and are now beginning to. I wanted those things to happen then, so badly, and for a long time I resented and criticized myself for not bringing them to fruition already.

I am now becoming comfortable with my journey and the breadth of my accomplishments, not always at this moment, but in this order for good reason. As long as I hold them constant in the pursuit of me, I will make them happen. Why I always think everything has to happen right now, or I should have done them already, is maybe a developed fear of seeing and hearing regret.

For a long time instead of taking this lesson and running full force, I doubted and put myself in a standstill. I realize I may not be the person to accomplish a lot in a short span of time, but I am trying to learn to take small amounts of time and make them count, as spoken so well in the words of this cool, insightful, creative woman.

I visited a college before I graduated high school and fell absolutely in love with the campus and the city. I wanted so badly to go, but college in state was affordable, actually free. In hindsight, I met my husband by staying in state, and now we both have an overwhelming desire to move. We are so exhausted by the traffic, and want to breath fresh air and raise C in a better learning environment- we both want to move. I have been ready to pursue higher education as well. I have always had a strong interest for developmental psychology.

Ten years ago I wanted to go to school here. Now I am a wife and mother and ready to move to the very place I dreamt of going to school. I just didn't have the patient understanding, or foresight, maybe, to know it didn't have to happen then, but in faith and pursuit it would happen-is happening.

Even if it is not this particular city, I am sure we will find a place we both love. I am becoming more aware of the importance to create the surroundings that inspire and bring good energy to me. Of course this all begins within, but I also believe surroundings effect us even if not completely aware of how. I am learning to not close the door on the dreams/interests I really want. The ones where hours race by without notice, pulling me deeper in thought and inner discovery. The ones I don't have to force or question. The ones that arouse all my senses at once leaving everything feeling richer and more purposeful. When I was younger I wanted to pursue everything, and now I understand the ones I wanted the most never faded away. They have been flitting around in my mind, like the delicate butterfly, they come briefly every so often as colorful reminders that although time may be burning, it is also full of rebirth and growth and opportunity.