Cooking with thoughts

(blue corn shells with black beans and onions, before the addition of more cheese and sour cream-yum)

I find when I have a lot on my mind I tend to cook. It is not a conscious idea always, but I somehow find myself at home, after work and C asleep, with recipes sprawled about and spices, sauces, vegetables, knives, bread, plates, pots and pans placed upon the counter. I pour a glass of red, turn on the soft lights in my kitchen and fall into rhythm. The repetition of chopping is soothing and helps me to slow my booming thoughts to a quiet hum to where I can then begin to concentrate.

Once I get to the root of my thoughts, I can gently cut away the stubborn skins of worry and break them into pieces allowing the fragrant feelings to surface. As I measure and weigh the ingredients, I do the same to choices I am considering. I try out spices, adding and tasting, wishing I felt as confident and free to experiment in other areas of myself as I do with cooking. I don't always make the best tasting mixtures, but at least I try. I got over this fear at home by learning that my husband won't think I am a bad cook if I screw up dinner because maybe tomorrow I will make something he raves over. Some of this culinary confidence comes easily because he's my husband, and not everyone else .

I am learning to apply this way of thinking to other things I wish to pursue. I have to just try things out, like I have done with cooking. I have to remember my ability to cook by taste did not happen over night, I am still learning, and will continue for the rest of my life. To realize there are a plenitude of tastes, but that maybe a few will really enjoy what I have created.


I have to take what I know I enjoy, grind the fear in the disposal, and start from scratch. Even if the dish is a disaster, it shouldn't keep me from trying again.





~good lesson in not taking things personally~
I made a grilled pork chop and fresh turnip greens for C. Pork chop on the floor, gagging noises as the greens are spit from his mouth. I am in shock because he is a lover of all foods. After all my failed efforts to coax him to eat the turnips, I take a large, sharp butcher knife and with one swift CHOP, cut the cantaloupe in half. I then cut the sweet fruit away from the rind in neat little squares and give a few to C. As he shoves them into his mouth, barely giving himself room to swallow, he raises one arm and says "I unt suh moooow", until half of the melon is gone. Fruit dinner-nice. I suppose I'll save the the three course meals for the adults *smile*. C does love fruit though. This makes me think about when I was pregnant with him and how I ate fruit everyday, especially oranges. I couldn't' get enough of the sweetness. I like to think maybe this began his love for the sweet nectar of fruit.

I have also been thinking a lot lately about growing, buying, and cooking fresher, and more organic. My parents raised us on organic food (my sister used to trade her juice cookies for Twinkies-how funny is that-but the kids loved our natural foods). I realize that C is just as happy with fruit as he is with cookies. I try to cook from fresh ingredients and stay conscious of the ingredients in packaged foods. I have also always had allergies and now C does too. I have to say I have learned a lot from other bloggers' experiences about the effects of the foods they consume that may interfere with our bodies. It is truly fascinating and I have been thinking so much more about eating foods that energize and restore my body rather than harm. It's not just about eating because it's part of my day. It's eating to keep my body strong and healthy. Even some changes I have already made are making a difference. Now if only I could keep plants alive..maybe then I could have an organic garden. Sad but true, I have no green thumb. Yet!