Seeking your dreams~desires~life

(A poem a day inspired by this girl's writings I admire)


Ethereal whispers in my ear

And the wind, at times, can speak so clear


It tells me to look into this life of mine

And figure out what is real


I'm waiting for your touch

And I know it's your embrace that keeps me near

You are the essence of the love

Everyone is trying to hold onto


But I don't have to reach

For you are

wholly

gripping me

Right now, right here.

Connecting two points

Laying on my parent's driveway over the weekend I feel connected. The warm heat rising from the constructed concrete ground, it feels strong and reliable. My eyes entranced in the dancing fingers of the trees, that play and flirt upon the wind. A canopy of protective arms embracing the sky, offering glints of sun and shade. I recall turning my head to stare at my little man and his twin cousin throwing pine cones at the bushes- whispering to one another in their own language full of wonder and inquisition. I follow their gaze up a tree to a taunting squirrel dropping pine cones above their heads. I turn my head back and close my eyes, feeling the earth spinning beneath me- picturing a vacuum pulling my thoughts, racing upwards to the sky, then to hover above me like a movie playing against the vast blue screen. A laugh, a breeze, brings me back-my eyelids fluttering against the soft light. I feel an awareness- a pull between me then, me now. I used to lay on this driveway all the time before boyfriends, before jobs, before a house and a marriage and before a child. I used to lay here when i was still a child- when it was just me and my dreams. Gosh, I would imagine so much- endless possibilities, like the endless sky. It felt good then, it feels good now. Neither better or comparable, two points in time- significant and whole.

Fall on me

This morning I closed my eyes in the shower and imagined that it was dark and cool outside. Feeling the strong desire for scarves and jeans paired with heavy boots. Hot chocolate and homemade vegetable soup.

How often we do this~dreaming of fall when summer is still present?

Maybe the desire for this change signifies the end of a period of growth. In the midst of life many times we forget~well, that we are in the midst of it.What encompasses us is life~right now. In the midst of it we are growing, simply. It seems then anticipation, frustration, boredom, nostalgia often creep in. Reminders to not stay too complacent~to be present and take reflection into new boundaries.

Learning, changing, growing.

Ready to take the lesson and move forth~ expand, run, purge.

I feel over this summer I have been asking questions, taking it deep, sitting with the feelings, writing them down, listening intently to the music playing in and around me.

Questioning.


Listening.


Contemplating.


Making lists of goals, dreams and projects.


i feel i have let go of a lot with eyes wide open.


i feel i have learned to clarify my values, my beliefs.


i feel more aware


i feel stronger


i feel more alive


i feel more loved


Now i just want to experience. Have you ever felt tired of asking the questions, turned off a little by the constant buzz of your own thoughts.

Usually, when i anticipate summer I feel ready to take on a million things.

I feel a strange, but fresh, engaging feeling for this winter.

I still have some great summer things planned~a concert in this park with all proceeds going towards park conservancy, which in Atlanta is much needed.

I've been sitting.

I'm ready to run.

It feels good to sit with your thoughts.

Sometimes it feels good to do, with thoughts racing.

Ramblings to me

I'll drive away with you on a Sunday afternoon
when the leaves turn brown and crush~disintegrate, against my hand

Beneath my feet, I'll tread lightly on your emotions

while tempting you, instead, to dance with mine

I'll seek out the inner beauty of your beliefs

if you can come to forgive my lonesome grief

Take me away on a full-moon dream

where time cannot touch me and

wanderlust sparkles in the ground

Where music reigns as language

and dance is the movement~always fluid in our motion

We'll ride a wave on a butterfly ocean.

When we get there

When I plant my feet

and stretch my arms

When I take in a deep breath

I'll speak softly to myself and whisper~

When will you know me

When will all this count

Sure I've been trying to explain how imperfections

are simply reality

I know there are things to fix

and rules to follow through

I may even understand how my restlessness

may somber you

But I'm waking to new time

and listening to softer sounds

I'm finding peace through each moment

what were once endless days abound

My breath feels slower, deeper

and my sight finds memories to capture

I love with fierce passion

and hurt with fury, I know

I'm stronger than I was yesterday

and live in my hours knowing their mine

I'll keep trying to build strength

in my soul and love for this life

It's the lessons we learn and the paths that are chosen

that allow us to expand so we may leave a beauty mark on

this vast, breathing land

I find peace living for these moments.

So today I'll pull my dreams from my pillow and bring them to life.

I need your concern but I desire your understanding,

for my love, to the me once afraid

Whom I see growing in variable ways

It takes time for most

and that I'll give

As long as time I may have to say~

I once happily lived.

Just one kiss

Today I walked over to you and leaned down to give you a hug as you played on the floor. I turned to stand up and you pulled my arm, lifted your sweet face and gave me a kiss-all on your own-the first one without asking or smothering you with my own kisses. I drew in my breath, smiled at you, thanked you for your sweetness, and you went back to playing. My thousands of kisses to you will always equal your one given to me, I hope you know this forever.

The rush after the break

The words have been stuck inside. Building in a crescendo, the beat hard against my heart.

So much going on- so many emotions, thoughts, plans- rushing and pulsing through my veins.

Ideas, words, images, colors - filling my mind for my art, for my home, for my husband, for C and for myself.

I feel it all so tense pressing and rising like water against a dam-on the verge, tiny trickles I see heeding warning for the poignant moment before the break.

I see myself clearer now and more in tune.

I am so much more aware of the person I am, not who I am trying to figure out.

I am good with the me when once I was not- the little details are my makeup and I love them more and more.

Letting go of the stigmas I have placed upon myself.

I find myself drawn in so many directions and now as I walk my individual path the journey resonates deeper with rich blessings and optimism I can feel- a slight energy that reverberates inside.

For some time I felt I had only been trying to find my fit.

Confidence is securing the love for myself now.

Headaches and Pizza

I have had the worst headaches this weekend - to the point all I can do is sleep. To look at the computer screen is painful- so I have not had much time here to write. I did find a funny photo and a great recipe to share.


I bought him a funny hat, found an apron in our condo at the beach and told him he must wear it to cook, and he is wearing a coolest dad t-shirt- it's cool he let's me play around with my humor.

If you have a grill- go right now and get all the ingredients to make this AMAZING pizza. I love pizza- and this is truly one of the best I have ever had. Of course, I love to grill- almost anything, so the idea of grilled pizza dough sent me dreamily to the store. By grilling, the dough forms a thin crispy layer over a soft, cheesy middle. I left the last bit of instructions off because mine was done enough by just cooking on the grill. I also made one big pie instead of four smaller ones and varied the vegetables from the ones listed:). The best part, though, was the basil/olive oil dipping sauce- a burst of fresh basil livens the flavors of the grilled meat and veggies. I also used chicken sausage instead of pork, both work wonderfully. Ingenuity meets pizza= me standing up eating this hot off the grill because it's so goood.